So it was decided: the first two weeks we’d be out and about in Phuket, helping out at the orphanage and doing a bit of sightseeing. Then we’d fly up to Bangkok for a few days to do a bit of shopping, and after that head to Malaysia for a week. Our last destination would be Singapore, after which we’d head back to Phuket to meet up with my parents. My parents weren’t up to traveling so they decided to just chill out at the resort in Phuket.
We went to bed that night feeling super excited. Most of the bookings had been made, there were just a few loose ends that my father said he’d get his PA to sort out. We were only leaving in a week but Atiyyah and I had entered the holiday spirit already.
Just as i was about to fall asleep, my phone vibrated. Picking it up, I looked drowsily at the screen.
1 new message from Zubair Motala.
I sat up in shock, too stunned for words. Next to me, Atiyyah asked, “Zahraa? What’s wrong?”
“Zubair. He just messaged me.”
Burying her head in the pillow, she mumbled, “Great! Here we go again.”
Ignoring her, i was about to click on his message when she stopped me.
“Zahraa.. Just before you open it, i want you to remember.. All the pain he caused you, all the things he said, all the empty promises he made. And then i want you to remember how you felt after your last conversation with him. Just think about all of that okay? If you’re willing to go through it all over again, then that’s fine by me. I’ll still be here to pick up your broken pieces. But if you want to move on and move forward with your life.. Delete that message now and don’t think twice about it.”
Staring at the screen, I said, “But Attz.. I need to find some sort of closure. I need to hear what he has to say now, because I don’t want to live with regrets later on. Let me just see what he has to say, okay”
Taking a deep breath, I opened his message.
Zubair: Hey you 🙂 I miss you.. I really really miss you
Zubair: How are you? 🙂
Me: Good. You?
Zubair: Not too bad..
I didn’t reply. Thirty seconds later..
Zubair: I was so happy when i heard about your results. I’m so proud of you! Congratz!👏
Okay so i was being a bit abrupt. But what did he expect? After everything he put me through, he was damn lucky i was even responding at all.
Zubair: Look Zahraa, I know I said things before.. But these past few months made me realise just
how much i need you in my life
Me: Not a few months, one year. One whole year. And if i remember correctly, you’re the one who
ended things with me remember? Because you “really liked someone else and you were gonna
ask them out” even though you told me you wanted to marry me
Zubair: Yes, i know all that. But like i said, i missed YOU. I want you and no one else
Me: Let me guess.. She dumped you. And so now you’re running back to me. I hate how you just
assume that i’ll always be there to take you back.
Zubair: Zahraa.. I’m really really sorry. Can we at least be friends then?
Me: I’m not sure i even want that Zubair. You hurt me. You lied to me. What makes it worse is that you
promised you would never. But you did.
Zubair: So i should go then?
Me: Yeah, i think you should. You told me to take a leap of faith. I almost fell, but I won’t let
that happen again. I just don’t have the energy anymore. Maybe some day we can be friends,
but not right now. I’m sorry
Zubair: yeah okay. Sorry for messaging.
Me: Bye Zubair.
With that, i deleted the messages and blocked his number. The tears began to fall from my eyes. Atiyyah wrapped her arms around me and held me whilst i sobbed. “This is it Attz.. I feel relieved that i don’t have to go through everything again, but at the same time i’m sad. I’m letting go of something i held onto for three years. And it hurts. But i know its for the best.. Its just.. I don’t .. I ..”
“Shhh its okay, let it all out. You’re allowed to feel this way.. Just let it out.”
After a while the tears stopped. I went to wash my face, and when i came back, I felt.. Free. Happy. All those negative emotions weighing me down were finally gone. Now it was just me and my future that lay ahead.
As i crawled into bed, i nudged Atiyyah. “Hey Attz. Let’s meet up with Zaahid tomorrow for brunch. Maybe i’ll even tell him to bring his friend Azhar with,” i said with a wink.
Laughing, she kicked me. “You cow. That was quick!”
“Well if i’m a cow, you’re a komodo dragon.. Scary and ugly and-”
“And nobody likes me,” she finished off. It was one of those lame jokes between the two of us that just never got old. Laughing, we both went to sleep with the knowledge that things were only going to get better.